Single mothers, Is it a given that men do not want to date single mothers?

I have had two boyfriends in 2 and 1/2 years, both relationships only lasting 5 months a piece. Both relationships ended because they changed their mind (after long discussions earlier in the relationships) about being w/ a single mom. In between and now I have tried online dating and meeting people in the real world and have always indicated a desire to meet someone, who like me, is a single parent. Alas, I think single dads don't date. Divorced life has been fine, I'm doing well and having fun w/ the kids and work. I'm attractive, well-educated and have no trouble getting dates. My kids are bright, well-behaved and well-adjusted. I get along fine w/ the ex. I don't have "baggage", as they call it. What gives? I am trying hard to be optimistic because I do believe in love and marriage (tho mine didn't work out) and would like to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Tell me your experience. What is wrong with this picture?

Single mothers, Is it a given that men do not want to date single mothers?
I'm not a woman, but have an answer for you anyway. Why would you ask this of a woman when most women will say that it is very hard to figure out the male species? You would get better response (I would think) by asking the men.


The facts here are that everybody is different. Some men don't wish to have an instant family, just as some women feel the same way. I would suspect that you are seeking the wrong type of male figure. Because there are allot of men out there that have no qualms with dating a single mother. I am one of those men. I married my wife knowing that she had 3 of her own and nothing concerning her children had any effect on my feelings toward her. Get to know the prospective boyfriend before he is the boyfriend. Let them know up front that you are a mother and what you expect from him. Maybe join a single parents club. The right man for you is right around the corner. Now it's up to you to figure just which corner that it is. Just my opinion. Good luck.
Reply:Being a single mother has nothing to do with whether a guy will date a woman in most cases. I make sure that the person I am dating understands that I am a packaged deal - take it or leave it! I also do not introduce my child to guys I am dating until I know where things are headed. Hence, my son has met ONE guy! Any guy who began dating you knowing you are a single mom and then tells you several months down the road he can no longer date you beause you are a single mom, is grasping at straws and is trying to find an excuse to ditch you.
Reply:I am right there with you. I have a 16 month old son and I'm only 23. It is so hard to find decent guys that accept that I have a child. But the thing is, is that they are dating me not him and believe me I wouldn't introduce my son to the guy unless it was serious and he was okay with the fact that I have a son. Kids get attached easily and I would hate for my son to get attached to a guy that ends up not working out between me and him.
Reply:Personal experience..... Dating a lady with a child.. Start to like her less as I get to know her better.... While getting more attached to the child and child attached to me.. Breaking up with her breaks the child's and my heart... Never again never.. That is my reason for not dating women with young children. I'm sure that I'm not the only one that has had this happen
Reply:The only thing thats wrong is that you haven't found the right man for you! You are perfectly fine just like you are. I have two friends who are single mothers and they both have boyfriends. It's just a matter of finding the right man. If he is a good man, he will love you and you children...that doesn't mean it will always be easy, but you will most certainly find someone that makes you happy and loves your kids. I wish you luck! :)
Reply:You're right. It's very difficult for a single mother to find a man that will accept the whole package. Believe me, been there done that more times than I can count. And I've felt the same as you. But I have finally found one that does want the whole package (thank god!). It actually happened when I stopped looking. Hope this helps. Take care hun!
Reply:Some men are full of crap, sorry to say. A good many of us don't mind dating single mothers - in fact, I married one. I had a choice - marry her or marry a lady veterinarian who had never married and had no kids and who was dy-no-MITE in the sack. I chose the single mom because I fell in love with her kids, too...an absolutely charming seven-year-old girl and a cute and very insecure nine-year-old boy. They just needed a Dad and their mom needed a partner. We raised those two - and helped raise my four with my first wife - and its all worked out well and we've been happy for seventeen years now on our way to forever together. See, it can work even for single moms!
Reply:Men are weird (and thats coming from one). Heres my take. When a man first meets a woman,he will tell her what she wants to hear. After a while reality sets in. Now all of a sudden its like,OMG what have I done.....why should I be raising some one elses kid,the kid probably wont listen to me because i'm not his dad. I have to deal with this kids dad now,can I support a family etc,etc.





When I lived in Dallas almost every woman I dated was a single mom (by coinsidence). One I almost married (till she discovered the wonderful of drugs,and having sex with the boss). Me and her son got along great.To this day he calls me and I call him and I make sure his grades are good (I still pay him $100 for straight As) and that he's behaving.





So,as you can see,it's not all men who act weird. Have faith,you will find some one
Reply:I don't think that dating a women with kids is a first choice for any man quite honestly. You don't mention how many kids you have, although you did use the plural, and you didn't say how old they are. This information can have an impact on the situation.





But if I got a divorce tomorrow, and started dating, I would certainly not be looking for a single mom. It's hard enough starting a fresh relationship, but having to deal with making a relationship with children too, would be a problem for me, and I believe the majority of men.





Then long term there is the issue of a man wanting more kids (depending on your and his age). Say you already have two kids, if you have one or two more, now you have 3-4 kids. I'd hate that if it were me. I don't want to live in a nursery.





So unfortunately it can be tough. You have to find the ideal man who likes you, and you like him, which in and of itself is tough. But then you have to find a guy who is okay with the kids too. That adds another dimension of complexity.
Reply:When I was little my mom had no problem with being a single mother and neither did I. I have 3 kids all by diffrent dads. The dads just didnt want to grow up. But think about this, My first two are not from my husband my little one is. So it takes a big man to accept the fact that he is going to have to deal with 2 other men when it comes to the kids. And even now wihen I meet other guys (not that I am looking, Im married 1 Year) They still hit on me. Its not you,its the men dont want to grow up but I think your wanting a steady male companion that you can be around with your kids and they dont want that becouse they are men. You are done and just want one mand in your life and in time he will come. Dont rush things and dont look too hard becouse if you do you might be missing what is looking for you and your kids.
Reply:It is not a given that men do not want to date single mothers. I am now a single father and I do date. Even when I was single I would date single mothers. I even married one and had a child with her. I think that most men can say that they are open to dating single mothers early in the relationship. But until you really do it, you can't even begin to fathom how hectic life for a single mother/father can be. As time progresses and the reality that the woman is more dedicated to her children than to him sets in, many men will back off. It isn't what they want.





Just my opinion...
Reply:My sister married, had two girls, divorced. And, now she is happily married again!! I think a lot of men do kind of get scared about getting into a new relationship when the woman has children, divorced , etc. But, hey you don't need a loser anyways. A strong willed, well educated man won't care what he's got to put up with if he truly loves you. Don't stress your self out, sooner or later you'll find your prince!!! Good Luck
Reply:Ya know, I can't say that anything is actally wrong with YOUR picture. I too, have been a single parent for a number of years, though my kids are grown up and gone, when they were smaller I too, had guys that said they didn't mind that I was single with kids, and we dated for about 2 years until he decided that he wanted kids of his own and wasn't able to have anymore. We had also discussed children and that I was not able to have anymore...I don't know what the right answer would be or will be. I am still looking for the right guy. I too, want to marry again. But I find that some (not all) not matter how old are still playing games, saying that the want a good woman to come home to, that will treat them right and I feel that I am a very good catch, with my kids out of the home, I have a very good job, drive a decent car, can carry a good conversation, the list can go on. All I can say to you is that HE is out there and that we both need to be patient. I once thought I was looking to hard, looking on line trying to get myself out and about, but I don't attend bars and truly don't know where to go. So for right know, I just do alot of things by myself, go to dinner, a movie or play, and just hope that MY guy will notice me....Good luck you you.
Reply:Unfortunately, most men have a severe misperception that single women bear baggage in the form of another man's children. Most of the men are MILF men. These men are the immature, pathetic azzholes and users that seek out single mothers just to sleep with them and then use the excuse he cannot handle "another man's" responsibility.





You have to open your eyes WIDE and look at these no good men clearly! They always reveal themselves when you do not have fantasy blinders on. Simply asking them questions and telling them about your children existence is not enough. The dating a single mom game is intense!





When things get serious and they have already slept with you, they are bound to use your single motherhood as an escape route. Sad but true as you have experienced. Your ex husband is a single dad, too, but I bet he does not experience what you are experiencing as much, because the kids are not under him. Alot of women, me included, prefer not to date single dads with the kids living with him and the relationship won't go real far with the kids not living with him because of your existence. Unfortunately, single dads typically do not reveal they are single dads until you are all twisted up into their lives. Even though they're not too many men over 25 that is childless, I'm finding out.





Honestly, do not expect anything from these type of men other than sexual maintenance and not at your house you share with your kids. I do not have any children nor have been married but I've observed alot in my 24 years from my Mom to my older sister and older friends.





It is not my desire to be with a man that is raising his children on his own, although admirable to the umpteenth degree, I prefer not to be a step mom to another woman's kids or deal with the drama of the mother or share him with his already made family. I guess when I get older and options run low, my reality may change. I know if I find myself in a situation of single motherhood, I probably will simply sleep with the man for maintenance purposes only and not commit or seek any long term relationship. I think I would prefer not to share my children with any other man other than their dad. Again, with life experience and life throwing things at you out of your control, the choices you make are the choices you make.





It is hard, but as I said earlier ensure the guy is not a MILF azzhole by really studying his intentions. If he is TOO eager to be in your kids life, wanting to know their names and what grade they are in, tell him none of his business. Yes, you are proud of your kids and probably brag all the time about them, but do not throw out the fam pics too soon. The fake ones will reveal themselves soon after that. His entire body language will be yelling, I just want to sleep with you because you are so confident, attractive, got it going on, well behaved kids that I do not have to be the daddy to and can easily call them baggage cuz she cannot make them disappear.





It is these men, NOT you! Best of luck in your search for the rare mature loving sincere honest man that can deal with the type of relationship you are seeking and is not 50 years older than you!
Reply:I am not a single mother, but take it from a guy. We WANT single mothers more than we want single women without children. It is in our Guy Handbook. We don't think of children as baggage at all, and this is something women say about single mothers, to make themselves feel better that we want the mother more than the single woman without children. 2 boyfriends in 2 years is not a big enough pool on which to base your assumptions. Coming into a life with a woman who already has children takes some big adjustments, and I commend any man who takes on that job. When I was a single dad, I went through phases. In one phase I wanted to stay single. When single got boring I would date. When dating seemed to be a big headache, usually because the chickies only want my Wranglers off, I would go back to single. It is when you find the RIGHT person, you will know it, and he will know it too. For three years I said I would never get married again, and look at me now... been with this one for almost 4 years and married just over a year now. I inherited 2 little girls with this one, and they call me dad. They call their dad Daddy too. I get along great with their father, and he even started going to the same church we go to. Guys who turn away from you strictly because you have children... well... they are still children too, not willing to take on the responsibility, so you are better off with a guy who has the handbook, and WANTS the responsibility.
Reply:well my mom is a single mother and she has a boyfriend that shes bin dating for ocer 2 years now
Reply:I was a single mother, 1 child, then one day i met my now husband out of the blue, he has 2 children, swore he would never get married again, but through it all, we meshed well...Love each other and our family of 5. Have been happily married over a year. When he comes; he comes i guess.... It happened to me when i wasn't even thinking about men... was content with myself and my life first.


If a man doesnt at least try a relationship with a single mother .. he could be missing out on the love of his life? You never know...


Your knight will come .... keep smiling :D
Reply:i was a single parent for 8 years before i met my husband now..he has no children and is 43 yrs old...i think that there are men out there that do not mind single mothers. my husband loves my kids to the point of them being his own...





good things come to those who wait
Reply:I have several guy friends that won't date women that have children. I say that's their choice, even though I don't agree with it. They say that they don't want to deal with the drama that comes from dating a single mom, issues with kids, issues with the ex, etc. Keep your hopes up! Some guys aren't like that!
Reply:I'm a single father. I'd rather date a single mother because she knows the demands of raising children and won't take it personally if I have to do something with my kids instead of her.

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