Single mothers..anyone else appalled at what this lady wrote?

"The research is very very clear - a study was just done in sweden of the whole population. Kids raised by single moms - and you don't need a study, just look around - are much more likely to have mental problems, school and job problems, drug problems. etc. It's just wrong for a child to be raised this way on purpose. it's cruel and heartless and only very selfish mothers would do it.





Day care alone is very very bad for a child - how will she not abandon the child each and every day to day care? Children are damaged by observing their parents date - will your sister be able to not date for 18 years?"-cassandra





Wow, I am a single mother...my daughter is a straight A student, polite, well mannered, smart, mature.....


Do only single parents put their kids in daycare?


what is up with this way of thinking?????????????

Single mothers..anyone else appalled at what this lady wrote?
I'd like to know which "research" she is referring to. My daughter raised her daughter all by herself and my grandaughter is a "well adjusted straight A student and a cheerleader to boot!" She is going to college on scholarships. Bah! I think those people who say that about single moms are jealous because they are still picking up socks for their husbands!
Reply:I think this woman, and the man talking about the studies in Sweden are way off. I was not only raised in a single parent home, but I also work in a day care. My sister and I both turned out fine. We both graduated high school at 17, I'm getting ready to leave for basic training and my sister is a paralegal, no mental problems or criminal charges for either of us. I see children brought to my day care that are in single parent homes and the ones that have both parents. I see nothing wrong with the children staying with us while their parents work to support them. Day cares are also learning facilities. They teach the children not only the ability to get along with other children to get them ready for school but also shapes, colors, how to write, etc. This month the kids at our day care are learning about other countries. The children are learning and also playing while their parents work instead of sitting in front of the television watching cartoons in one room while mommy watches soap operas in the other. I'm sure the majority of these parents would love to stay home and be with their children but then they would more than likely need public assistance b/c they weren't making enough money and the same people that were complaining that day cares are so bad would be complaining that their tax dollars went to these "lazy" people that didn't work.
Reply:I was a single mother for quite some time. My son's father abused me and I had enough. Some people actually thought I should stay in that relationship even though I was beaten until I almost died. The doctors walked out of the ER saying it's amazing I lived through that last day of our relationship. And yet some would think it's better for the child?! It's outrageous. A lot of people don't become pregnant in the hopes that they will become single mothers.





I still consider myself a single mom although I guess I'm not really. I live with my boyfriend, but I do it all for my boy. I was his clothes, cook his meals, go to school functions ect.





He's in the GATE class and in Honor choir. Hasn't gotten in trouble at school. He's a happy boy and is a joy to be around. I wouldn't trade him for the world.





Don't let what others think influence you. Some people just have very different ideas than others.
Reply:I too was appalled, it was my Q she answered like that. I keep hearing, if you can't afford to raise a child don't have one. But at what point are you financially ready? when both parents are working full time? So you have the money, but you don't have the time? Which is more important? Neither... sometimes people have to make sacrifices.
Reply:I am not a single mother, but my first daughter was in daycare. That was very rude. My mother raised me without my dad and I am so proud of her. She loved me so much to sacrifice her life to let me have the best of everything. People are just stupid and get off making others feel bad about their lives.
Reply:Okay, hun. This article is BULLSHIT. Kudos to you for being a strong, supportive mother!!!!!!!!





I have always felt that a very unhappy couple should NOT stay together just for the children. I would rather my children know loving parents separately rather than two loveless people who are expected to lead by example....kids learn emotion from their parents, it is not fair for kids to live unhappily.





Oh, and anyone who wants to ***** about that statement, I will tell you this.





My parent's divorce was final on my second birthday, and I spent my last 9 years before HS graduation living with my dad. I will tell you the only thing mentally wrong with me is that I am a woman and women have to put up with judgement and hypocracy from other retards like the broad who wrote this article.





I made great grades and did well in school. I work hard and make my own living--very, very comfortably--and I am NINETEEN years old. You know why I do this? Because of my parents. Separately, they tought me how to be strong and INDEPENDENT like they were, and how to be proud of myself and all that I do.





That ***** probably hasn't ever been laid, and if she has (God forbid) her man is probably too scared of her big muscles and mustache to leave her!





YOU GO GIRL.....
Reply:I am a single parent not by choice, my husband died 10yrs ago unexpectedly. Since then I have raised a daughter who is now 24 to be a well adjusted young adult with goals and a positive future. I have a 14yr old boy who has presented no serious behavior problems and is a very compassionate soul. I have also adopted two toddlers who are now 7 %26amp; 8 and are thriving beautifully. Did I mention I also work full time? My kids are well taken care of emotionally and physically! As a single parent of 4 children who I feel will make some difference in this world I find many of the statement this woman wrote to be quite offensive. It is not whether you have a 1 or 2 parent family that makes a difference, but rather the quality time you spend with your children, as well as the morals and values you instill in them.
Reply:I totally agree with you, my child only being 16 months old is very well off, smart and all other things. She is happy. She does go to daycare. Her father walked away after he found out we was having a girl. Yet, my daughter is very well taken care of. My mother wasn't a single mother and she put us in daycare.
Reply:Wow, that's harsh - kids are more susectible to doing that stuff even with both parent's.


My mum was a single mother and i turned out great. I went to nursing and law school, never got in trouble with the law, never did drugs, i did great things with my life and now i live in texas, happily married, we have 2 beautiful little girls and i'm 21 weeks pregnant. So i think their study is just downright disgusting.


See, it's so so so easy for people to throw around critisim, but yet they can't take critism themselves.


As far as daycare goes, some parent's don't have a choice.


I stay at home but i still send my 10m/o and 2y/o to the church daycare twice a week, for social interraction and aslo to give me a break. All mothers know we need a break from time to time whether you're a single mother or not!


I'm not abadoning my girls, nor do they feel abandoned. They absaloutly love going to see their friends, they are there from 9 till 2 and have a whale of a time. Keeping them home and restricting them from social activities isn't good....and no, single parent's aren't the only people who put their kids in daycare.


My in-laws have been married for 14 years, my SIL could have retired from her job and she didn't want too, both their kids were in daycare and have come out great. They're now in school and thriving!
Reply:unfortunately this way of thinking is very prevalent. I would rather be raised by one sane parent than 2 nut jobs!! I once heard a a sermon at a born again christian church that single mothers are the evil of society!!





As a single mom, who works, who's son was in daycare, here's the real deal.





Money is very tight. I work 2 jobs. My son is over responsible for his age. He does his homework on his own, and when he needs to he can feed himself and do his own laundry.





Our house isn't immaculate. He doesn't get straigt A's. and he's been through 2 failed relationships with me. He knows more about life at his age than most people my age.





Yes - sometimes I am overcome by what this woman says and feel that I have been extremely selfish and I had no business trying to raise my son. Then I see some of the kids of 2 parent families. These kids have no discipline in their lives and have absolutlely no respect for authority...





Honestly it doesn't matter how many parents are in a family. It is the effectiveness of the parent and wether the parent is able to instill good family values and morals in their children.
Reply:I don't know where she got her information, but it's wrong. My ex and I got divorced when my daughter was 2 1/2, and I was a single parent for two years until I remarried in 2005. Plus my ex hardly ever paid child support. I had to put my daughter in daycare so I could work to support us. I am still working so I can help my husband with the bills.


My child is very polite, well-spoken, smart, and funny. She loves spending time with me and I love spending time with her, but if we spend too much time together we start needing our own space. My daughter is very friendly and social, and I think her being in daycare has contributed to this. Before I put her in daycare she was very clingy and shy.





While I think this lady is entitled to her opinion, she shouldn't be making broad blanket statements like she did based on a single study in SWEDEN! Would it be better for all single moms to live on welfare just to be with their kids? God forbid.
Reply:ok, so i totally agree that being a single parent is not that big of deal even though i am not a single parent myself. although somedays i feel like i am because my husband works at a bar and also works a lot of double shifts along with me working a full-time job just for us to make it by. so, therefore my daughter is daycare as well and she is just fine. she is healthy as can be and very smart cause she sees other kids doing things like potty training and she wants to do it to. and we do work on things at home as well so she does get the interaction from her parents to but we just have do what we have to do to survive in this cruel world. just because a child is raised by one parent instead of two or because a child is in daycare and not at home with the mother doesn't make it a bad situation.





i feel sorry for everyone who thinks it is wrong to put a kid in daycare or be raised by one parent. not everyone has the luxury of staying at home all the time. unfortunetly most of america is made of middle or low class families and we have to work our asses off just to make ends meat. i work so hard at my job and still come home and spend time with my daughter. she is not any less happy than another kid that stays home with their mother. she is one of the happiest and smartest toddlers i know. even her daycare says she is really smart and very happy. so, what's the problem with daycares? they are there to help as some of you would call us the less fortunate that have to work full time to support our families.
Reply:How funny that the woman who wrote about the research is called close-minded and the people who don't care what the facts are are open-minded. That's really very odd. How funny that Westi says people have to make sacrifices - but people here are talking about the kids doing the sacrificing, not themselves.





There's tons of studies that show day care is bad for kids - and have been for 50 years now.





All these people making things up to suit their choices, and mocking the people who actually know what the research says. People are very very strange...





No, lots of married moms put their kids in day care, too. It's just as harmful.





What's up with thinking about the research? Intelligence. Maturity.





Are you aware that not everyone who smokes dies of lung cancer? Do you still think smoking doesn't cause lung cancer?





Just cause you don't like the facts, doesn't change them. BEing raised by a single mom is an awful life for a kid, and being raised in day care is an awful life for a kid.





Regardless of how much the selfish, short-sighted parents wish they could inflict whatever madness on their kids that they come up with. Obviously it would be better for welfare moms to be with their kids than for their kids to be in day care.





Anyone here aware that we are primates? Anyone here aware of how primates raise their children?





Anyone here aware of the huge upsurge in mental illness among children in the USA?





The study in sweden was of every single person in sweden. It's not an isolated study and it confirms what other studies show.





Instead of making things up to assauge your harmful choices, why not learn a thing or two and do a better job?





Just saying what, Willow? Nothing at all????
Reply:That is her a opinion. I think that single parents are doing thier best at thier job and being a parent. Kudos.
Reply:No I actually support it, sounds about right to me. To many people think they can just phase out the child's NEED for a father. They think they will just have sex with out thinking on the (in this case) consequences of a child. This little girl was not ready to have children. And in this new PC world we live in, let me ask you. WHO PAYS THE PRICE FOR THIS. The baby does.





Edit. sorry Willow, that doesn't mean your not doing a wonderful job as a single mom. I reread my post, and it sounds kind of harsh. Props to you. I just wish single girls and women would use their brains before having sex. They should wait until their married





Sad
Reply:Just because a child only has one parent to raise them doesnt mean that they are going to have problems, and its not always the mothers fault or choice that shes single. And I wouldnt put my child in daycare but sometimes people have no choice if they work and dont have anyone to watch them.
Reply:It sounds like an uncontrolled study. It probably was her opinion more than anything and she did a short biased way of studying it. This way she could belittle without being the one responsible for the article. I am sorry that many people are so judgmental on issues that they don't understand. There are no studies that show daycare being "bad" for kids. I think for certain kids it is almost necessary. There is structure, learning and interacting with other children. I am not a single mom. I also am a stay at home mom. But, I agree with you. This was a ridiculous outcome of a study. Did they study the kids not raised in that environment? I think if they did they would be surprised to see a similar outcome. As for these women being "selfish" that wasn't part of a study - her opinion! So yes, very appalling and frankly very ignorant!
Reply:I agree with you, I think that's terrible. Believe me, it would be "cruel and heartless" to force my son to spend time with his father. I'm lucky that my son is 16 so I don't need daycare, but if your child is too young to stay alone for a while, you really don't have any choice but to put them in daycare. This woman probably doesn't even have any children.
Reply:OK, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think deliberating having a child to raise it as a single mom (a modern trend) is selfish and self-centered, feminism run amok, and sends the message that you think men are unnecessary. There are too many children out there already who need a stable home, so adopt, already.
Reply:I'm not a single mother (or even a mother) and I'm appalled at this! There is no real evidence to show that a single parent vs. a two-parent household makes a good kid or a bad kid. I know GREAT single parents who have healthy, well-adjusted kids, and crappy two-parent households where the kids are demons. It's all how they're raised, and has nothing to do with one parent versus two.





I think daycare isn't a bad idea for kids - not only can it strengthen their immune systems (ever notice the first year of daycare, your kid picks up every cold out there, but by kindergarten they're healthy as a horse? Those kids who miss out on daycare or preschool end up sick every other week in kindergarten) but the socialization is a GREAT thing. They learn how to interact with kids their own age.





Not only single parents put their kids in daycare - plenty of parents both work.
Reply:Yeah who ever wrote that is rude and conceited. That is SO NOT true! I child is what you make them. Single or not. Sounds like this mom is very conceited! Must be nice to never have to work, live off your husband and sit around the house all day teaching your kid right from wrong. I wouldn't know. I work for a living and all though I am not a single parent, I know a lot of children who are and they turned out just fine. Its better to be a single mom than live with a man that is not going to treat you and your children right. Very appalling statement!
Reply:my dauters father left also he and i got in a fight over nothing but she still sees him on the weekends being a single parent and still in high school is hard but he has her when im in school
Reply:That's ignorance for you. Being single has very little to do with how dedicated and excellent a mother is. I was a single mom for almost 13 years before I married and a magic wand was NOT waved over my head at my wedding to change my ways. Yes, that is very appalling but again, she has a small brain with very limited views and should not be listened to at all. Yeah, cause we all know when people have both parents, they automatically turn out reaaaally normal and stellar. Right.
Reply:that's ridicules my mom was a single mother and i grew up just fine i look up to my mom for raising me and my sisters and brother alone i admire her for it no one should talk down about single mothers most are wonderful plus being a good mother has nothing to do with if your single or married what kind of mother you are or will be is up to you not if your married
Reply:just hadda chuckle at all these folks stating that there ain't no evidence that being raised in a single parent family is a detriment or that day care is a detriment. there is plenty of evidence for this - there's cites right here among these answers that lead to articles on the studies that do provide that evidence that growing up in a single family home is worse than growing up in a two parent home and that day care use before preschool is very very harmful.





it's like george bush is a single mom and thinks just cause he says something is true, it is. well, it's not. there's lots and lots of evidence.





the stuff on immune system being helped by day care is hysterical and sad - that was a 'working moms' attempt to make the very bad news on day care and children's heatlh seem okay.
Reply:I think the "lady" that wrote the article is very, very opinionated. Unfortunately for her, there are no facts to support her theories. I can't afford daycare for my children so my father watches them after school until I get out of work. One of my bosses and his wife have had their children in daycare for years, so it is not only single parents who put their kids in daycare. I believe that she is very disillusioned and doesn't realize that she is making a huge fool of herself. Keep doing what you're doing with your daughter and don't listen to idiots like this. You know you're doing a good job and no one should try to make you feel that you're not.
Reply:Thats cassandra on here..she is nothing but a stupid ***** adn if i ever saw her in person and she started talking like a know it all ***** id kick her ******* ***. Im sorry i just hate that chick and ignore everything she says..read all her other comments they are nothing but ****.
Reply:I'm not a single mom, and I resent her statement.





My child is in day care. She LOVES going to day care. She likes to crawl on the floor and play with the other children. She's an outgoing baby, and thrives in that environment.





That woman has the right to raise her children however she chooses; however, she doesn't have the right to push her preferences down other peoples' throats.





My mom was a single mother until I was 5, when she remarried. I was a much happier child when she was single. The man she married was verbally abusive to me and physically abusive to her. She married him primarily to provide a father figure for me. I wouldn've been better off without one.
Reply:I would like to say that my mum is a teacher and my dad is a financial advisor. When my mum's maternity leave expired at a year, she went back to work full time and I went to a babysitters. When I was 2 my sister was born and I was home with her another year, but still sent to the babysitters twice a week because I missed my babysitter and friends.





I was sent to a babysitters from 7am to 4 pm from the age of 3 to 13 five days a week. My babysitters were always fun, I enjoyed going and I never felt like I missed out on ANYTHING with my mother.





My sister is currently 17, has struggled with learning disabilities and is graduating high school with an 80% average in the college strand. She is going into graphic design. She has never got into drugs, doesn't smoke, and isn't much into alcohol (she will have the occasional drink, but isn't like most people her age).





I am currently in University holding up an 83% average for two years now, with a part time job, and living with my boyfriend. I smoked for a few years, but quit, and have never really been into alcohol or done drugs.





As for people raised by single moms, I have quite a few friends who were raised that way and I think that they learned MORE being with a single mother than without. One, in particular, developed an amazing bond with her mother because they were never really able to hit the middle class standard. She learned to respect money, budget, and to help take care of the house and chores. She learned to be responsible for her actions, and respected her mother for what she did to help them get by. When she was 14 she got an afterschool job and helped out to contibute to the home without being asked or pressured to. She just wanted to.





Today she is 20 and one of the most responsible people I know. She knows the value of hardwork and how to budget. She has never got into drinking, drugs, or smoked. She knows how to survive on her own and more. She has a wonderful boyfriend and was never "hindered" or "damaged" by seeing her mom date. He mom has been dating the same guy since she was 16 and she loves him.





Whoever wrote that is an idiot in every sense of the word.
Reply:THats just her opinion, but i dont think it is true. It all depends on how you raise your child, not by who or if they had 1 parent or 20.





And not only single parents put their kids in day care.. there are married couples out there that have to work that put their kids in daycare, and what about the parents that want their kids to interact with other kids.





i totally agree with you!
Reply:Kids just don't grow up with a male role model so if your dating, its in their head that dating around is good cause its what they have seen their whole life. Woman grow up to be man haters because they don't know men and believe they are evil from what their friends tell them and have never experiance a good man. They usually grow up to be Sl*ts eventually or single for ever themselves. A man can grow up feminine because he only was raised from a females way of raising a kid. Just what I think but plenty can come out to be normal.