Thursday, November 19, 2009

Single Mothers?

My friend is pregnant having problems with the father of her child. Me myself im not married either and pregnant. I have some problems with the father of my child and dont want to think that I could end up not marrying him and a single mother but me and my friend were talking about it. so our question is single mothers if you dont mind telling your story? How are it is? What got you thru? And how you keep pushing..My friend is scared to be a single mother and says she will stay with the father of her child no matter what...As for me I disagree my child will have his dad in his life but that does not mean I cant survive without him...Any answers would be appreciated once again thanks and blessings...

Single Mothers?
I think what has helped me is the way I view my role. I don't refer to myself as a "single mother". I've always hated that label (although that's what we are). It sounds so undignified and tends to leave a negative shadow over you. People automatically think because you are a "single mom", that your life is pitiful and helpless. It's all about your attitude! I just always viewed myself as a mother and that's all and I do what I have to do for my children.





Does it get hard? Yes....Do I wish that things had worked out with my ex-husband? Of course! But those realities can't and never do get in the way of the type of life I want my children to have.





There are days when I just want to stay in bed and cry, but then I ask myself "what good will that do?". And because you want to be a good example for your children, that too will help you to keep pushing. I never let them see me cry (I do that in private) and then I move on.





Keep setting goals for your family. Everytime you reach a goal it makes you stronger, you're able to lift your head up higher, you stop feeling sorry for yourself and you just start living your life, and giving your kids the best that you can provide.
Reply:My daughter's father denied and is still in denial as far as I know about her. She will be 7 in November and has never seen her father. Her father left me for someone else before we even knew I was pregnant. His gf and I ended up working together so he knew. After everything was said and done and lots of looking back I realize that everything that happened happened for the best. He was a hard worker with sole custody of his first child who is 15 years older than my daughter. He was ready to get on with the next phase of his life. I moved an hour and half back to where I grew up. Moved in with my family who were very excited to have a child in the house. With the help of God, my family and church family I have raised a very stable little girl who was tops in her Kindergarten class, had perfect attendance and is ready for school to start again. There is no reason that a single parent of any gender can't make it with a little help. Sometimes it is better to be a single parent than to have a child in a harmful situation, IE. my daughter's father has a problem with alcohol. Do what is best for the children.
Reply:I am a single dad with custody of my kids. I go through a lot and the same as a single mother. She was ordered to pay child support but refuses to do so. If she had custody I would have to pay support and if I did not I would go to jail.





I think single moms have it easier than single dads because they automatically get just about everything.





Women can get public assistance faster than a man. So I am going through a lot of things and it is harder to deal with than being a woman. WOMEN HAVE IT EASIER.
Reply:Well, I'm married, but my husband has been in Iraq since October 2006. My son was born June 2006, so I am kinda a single mom. My husband was supposed to be getting home October 2007, but since Mr. Bush decided he wanted to keep our soldier there for longer stays he wont be home until Feb. 2008. It is hard, but you have to be strong for your baby. My son is amazing, he is wonderful, even when hes is testing the waters with me.


One thing you need to know is, baby's can feel the tension, they can sense your moods, and just know. If you are unhappy or there is a lot of tension, your child will make it even worse. Your baby will cry more, be upset more, and generally more difficult.


You do not want to be unhappy now, while you're just you, and you'll definately not want to push that feeling off on your children. You will be doing more harm than good in the long run if you torture yourself but staying with him no matter what if you are feeling this way. When I was 8 my dad told all 4 of us kids that he doesn't love my mom and never has. they stayed together 'for us'. Oh great big piece of poo that idea was. I was beaten almost daily, all 4 of us were constantly being put down and told were not good enough, mo was called names and treated horribly infront of us. The thing that affect us the most though, is how dad treated mom.


I myself have finally found a guy that doesnt beat me, cheat on me, or treat me like crap in general. . He's good to me. My little sister Jessie, her hubby cheated on her with 8 people and told her her place it at home with my neice and she isn't allowed to talk to any of her old friends. My sister Dani, Her fiancee uses her, and treats her so badly that im not allowed to be brought around him. The thing is, this is what we grew up knowing, this is how we see lasting relationships. "So long as the kids have their dad we will put up with anything". Not me, not anymore, I learned my lesson. The Hard Way!!! Don't make your kids go through the same.


It's not just a right now thing, it's a forever thing with kids. Remember that you are setting an example for them, you can't just do things for you anymore.


I am not sure if any of that helps, but I hope it is atleast a little help. Have a wonderful day.
Reply:I am a single parent with three daughters, ages 16, 11, and 5. I adopted all three of them from China. I've never been married, so I never had the issue of a dad in my children's lives somewhere. I love being a single mom, for the most part. We have so much fun in our all-girl household, and my daughters are very happy and well-adjusted. I do try to socialize with a lot of happily married couples, so that my daughters realize that marriage is great, and get a positive picture of it. They have male role models in their lives, too. You can definitely do better than just "survive" as a single mom. You can have a happy and fulfilling life!
Reply:There are lots of single parents and by all kinds of circumstances. The most important thing to remember is that you and your child are a family! You hold the most important job in the world: making sure your little one is loved and cared for. Do not let the ignorance of others squash that joy you have as a parent. And just like any other types of families, buddy up with other parents to exchange play dates. Stay connected with your immediate family when in a pinch for childcare. Surround yourself with supportive people. When the child is older maybe an aunt or uncle can help with homework time. The more support you have, the more energy you'll have to be a great parent!
Reply:Whats wrong with advice from single fathers. I am a single Dad and I am sure I face the same problems as single women.
Reply:You can't force a man to be with you. I think pregnancy is kryptonite for a lot of men. Once you get pregnant, they are LOOOONG gone. If you have to do it by yourself, you will because...you HAVE to! You can't not feel like doing it. Since you and your friend might be going through with it together, you can babysit each others kids while the other one gets a break. And when you go on dates! And you will go on dates! It seems like some men are more willing to raise someone else's child than their own. So this is not the end of the world. Enjoy your kids!
Reply:Your child needs a full time father. http://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts...


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